What I'm Reading

There has been a lot of conversation around me lately about what people are reading.
It isn't like it has always been, it's more. People can share on social media what they are reading, the can recommend, they can discuss, they can load entire books onto e-readers.
Reading is a wonderful thing!
I'm not really going to lecture anyone about what they are reading, but I am going to make some recommendations, and some comments regarding what I am reading.
You all can agree or disagree, that's your prerogative.
First, for the entertaining, quick, easy to pick up and put down that doesn't take much thought to get into (is there a shorter name or some kind of acronym for those?) book.
It's called Hollowland, by Amanda Hocking. 
This is a book about a zombie apocalypse.  I chose it because, hey, zombies are entertaining! I actually chose this book because it was free, and because the author is self published, and she's written many books already. I believe the Hollowland series is her latest.  It is a YA work of fiction, and anyone to religious for make believe won't enjoy it. (I'm just saying!)
The other books I'm into recently are Seven: an experimental mutiny against excess, by Jen Hatmaker.
Okay, so far I have read the acknowledgments and half of the introduction. I have put the book down because I don't want to get 'messed up'.   This woman speaks her heart, and her heart is on God, and filled with wisdom.

I checked out Jen Hatmaker's facebook page.
You should, too. I like the lady that posts on this page. She says 'crap'. I know that's a stupid thing to be enamored of, but if you grew up in the church, you know that slang is the same as "coarse language" and that we will go straight to hell in a hand basket if we use it.
What I am saying, is that she is a real person, that shares her real self. She is learning, and has a young family, and is in a season of life similar to mine. Sort of. She has kids at home. Six of them. Two of them are adopted.
And, her book is about to kick my butt. Strangely, I'm looking forward to it, and I'm scared out of my mind. I don't really want the responsibility of knowing what is right, because then I *have* to do it.
Since I've just shared with you all that I'm reading it, now I have accountability.

Oh, and because I read the introduction to this book where she mentions that she will explain more of something in another of her books, Interrupted, I put that on my kindle, too.

Seriously, I guess I was looking to get slapped around a little!
I don't believe that I will learn anything in these books that I haven't read in the bible. I don't believe that Jen is revealing new truths that have never been found before. What I do believe I will be getting out of these books (yes, it *is* all about me! It's about what my heart longs for, and how to shift it away from concern for myself), is hearing those truths in a voice that I recognize, in a language that I understand.
Do you need more before you go spend 5 bucks on this book? This book is really about creating margin for God to move-through a fast. If you think fasting is only and all about food, think again. It's about giving up the justification of our selfishness and greed, and taking on the responsibility of loving the world the way God does.

I'd be ecstatic if any one would read these along with me, and would be willing to discuss both the book, and our changes as we allow the holy spirit to make us new.

Who's with me?

A Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess.
She lived in a castle where the King and Queen loved her very much. Her brothers and sisters, the princes and princesses all played together with her.
One day, the Princess grew up. She got married and had seven children.
The Princess stared at the mountain of laundry that never seemed to shrink no matter how many loads were washed, dried, and put away. She sighed at refrigerator and pantry full of food that would be empty in a week's time. She gagged a little at the sink full of dishes, thinking how it seemed to be a magical sink with a curse on it, that it would never be empty.
She thought back to her growing up years, remembering that she had felt like the King and Queen held her in slavery, like her good friends, Cinderella and Snow White.
Now, the Princess was very glad that the King and Queen had taught her life skills in order to run her household, raise her children, and to do it with joy.
Sometimes, though, the Princess wished she could rest like Sleeping Beauty, but only sometimes.
The Princess knew that she didn't really want to miss the life happening around her. She knew that life was a gift, and circumstances around us can change, but she could choose how to respond to the circumstances.
"Today," the Princess mused, "I will be glad of clothes to wear, and food for another meal, and dishes to eat from. Today, I will teach the children to wash their clothes, prepare their food, and clean their dishes. Today," she said, "I will remind my children that there is joy ready to fill their hearts, and they can choose to live with joy, or they can choose to be filled with venom."
The Princess had chosen, for a little while, to replace her joy with venom, because she didn't recognize the joy. It was invisible to her eye. She couldn't find it anywhere.
She searched and searched for it, for she knew it existed, she had seen it in others. Why, she'd even had it herself!
The joy was elusive. The Princess was certain that the joy was hiding from her, that it was resisting her calls, and would never come to her again.
That's when she met the venom. It didn't look like venom. It looked friendly, and comforting. The venom promised the Princess that if she took it up, she would feel better. Things would go her way. She would be powerful, and people would admire her.
The Princess decided that those things sounded pretty good, so she took up the venom. She did feel powerful. She demanded her way, and she often got it. She noticed, though, that people were not offering service with a smile. They were grimacing and grumbling. She decided that it was because they hadn't yet experience the venom, and had no idea how freeing it could be.
The Princess became arrogant. She began taking things because she felt she deserved them. She worked hard, and was certain that these things would be given to her anyway.
She began to feel as though the world and everyone in it owed her something. After all, she was the Princess!
Pretty soon, the venom didn't feel like such a good thing. It was certainly powerful. It seemed to grown until the Princess was almost nothing but venom inside. It was beginning to grow out of her. It crept up and made ugly marks on her skin and distorted her face.
Her nose became huge and bulbous. Her eyes became squished too close together, and her mouth became far too wide.
She was become hideously ugly. People began to recognize the venom as it became noticeable. They would stay away from the Princess. She began to feel lonely, and the things she took because she deserved them no longer made her happy.
One day, the Princess was lounging around with the venom, because by now it was her only friend.  She felt as though the venom no longer wanted to be her friend, either. It was taunting her, telling her she wasn't good enough for anything. It told her that she was ugly and unfriendly. That she was useless and untalented. The venom began hissing and laughing at the Princess. It dared her to find something better. It had her under it's thumb.
The princess listened to these things, and believed them, for there was no one left to tell her otherwise. She became tired of listening to the insults of the venom and fell asleep.
In her sleep, she heard a whisper. It was very faint, and difficult to hear because the venom was still blathering on. It never stopped talking. The princess woke up, and listened very hard for the whisper.
She became sad when she couldn't hear it, and she began to cry.  The venom's laugh was loud, and long as it was sure she was crying in response to it's abuse.
She told the venom to shut up. "What?" cried the venom. "How can you treat me like that? I am your only friend! I am the only one that has stood by you! I encourage you! I soothe you! I make you comfortable!"
"No!" Shouted the Princess. "No! I said shut up! You have become something grotesque inside of me! You have convinced me to be ugly and hateful. You have been the reason that I have driven people away! I heard a whisper last night."
"Ha! A whisper. You are so stupid. Who would whisper to you? You are too ugly for anyone to want to get close enough to whisper." the venom snarled.
She knew, then. She knew that the venom had to go. That she had to find the whisper. That the shouting of the venom over everything else had to stop.
But it wouldn't stop. The princess looked over at the venom. She saw it shouting. She saw it's rage, but somehow, she could hear other things, now, too.
The whisper. She could hear the whisper.
"You are patient. You are kind. You are gentle." it said.
"What? I am what?" She asked. She needed to hear it again, to be sure.
"You are patient. You are kind. You are gentle." it said, again.
She asked, "How can I hear you? Why is the venom quiet now? And how do you know me, to describe me this way? The venom says otherwise."
"I know you." The whisper said. "I knew you before the venom did. You can hear me now because you choose to listen. I have been calling you always. You used to listen for me, then you allowed the voice of the venom to drown me out. I never stopped speaking to you."
"I chose." the Princess said. "I chose. Do I have a voice? Can I make the venom stop?"
"Yes," the whisper said, "You may use my voice. You can tell the venom to stop. You should know that it will listen for a little while, then it will creep up on you over and over and over again. You will always have to tell it to stop. It will shout when you don't notice it is near. You will be tempted to let it soothe you again and again. But you can choose."
So, the Princess borrowed the voice of the whisper. She told the venom to "Stop talking! Leave me alone! I don't need you! You aren't good, and you aren't helpful! Go back to where you came from!" the Princess was startled by the force and volume of her voice. It had been just a whisper, but when she claimed the voice for her own, it reverberated. It had power, and it drove the venom away.  Her skin was clear again, and her features slid back into their places, being pleasing to look upon once again.
The Princess often sees the venom slinking around. Though she doesn't ever invite it back, it hangs out, waiting for moments to be by the side of the princess. It noticed how the whisper worked, and copied it's ways, but it didn't sound the same. the venom's attempt at whispering was raspy and papery and cold.
Sometimes, the venom plays with the Princess's children. She recognizes it, and teaches the children to hear the whisper.
"Thank you." The Princess whispers back, as she watches the venom slink away in defeat, again and again.

Sometimes fairytales are just fun. I hope you enjoyed this one. Make it a great day, and remember to listen for the whisper. 

Setting Out to Impress You

This morning, I started writing a bright, witty and insightful post. I had ideas running through my mind, I had written some down and outlined a few thoughts. I was going to be a vessel for blessing you all with words this morning.

Then, my two younger boys got up.
They woke today with their fists flying and their attitudes at full tilt.
They fought over who gets to snuggle with mom first, or on which side of me they would sit. They ran down the hall with extremely loud voices when everyone else was still sleeping.
They played with the cereal and milk in their bowls.
They found colored pencils on the table and thought it would be a good idea to throw them at one another.

And so, this particular blog post ends, because I have two little boys that need a mommy today who loves them enough to teach them that there are consequences for unwise choices, and that I still cherish them anyway.

Perhaps I will dazzle you all with my profundity another day.

Thrill Seekers and Bench Warmers

Mr. TheZoo and I took some of the kids to The Shindig. It's a local street fair/carnival.
A couple of the children were off doing other things, so we took the rest for a few rides.
It was interesting the choices of rides among the boys. It seems we have two that choose cautiously, and two that want rides the wilder the better!
Any guesses on which ones?
Well, the 3 yo, and the 7 yo are the thrill seekers. The 4 yo and 11 yo wanted to take it slow and easy.
It's interesting to me when our children's personality traits are played out someplace other than home, in situations that aren't the norm for us.
I pay attention to my little zoo, but we do get used to our daily routine, and to each other. It's fun when things are shaken up a little, and notice something that seems new in the kids. It isn't really new, it's just a reaction to something different.
Like the rides at The Shindig. We don't have a Crocodile roller coaster, or anything like it at home, so the risk takers don't have that particular sort of thrill or challenge. Instead, they often are in trouble for climbing on the cars and jumping off of them, or something similarly disturbing.
We have one good climbing tree, and our play structure is fun, but not breathtaking.

Our cautions boys were interested in rides that *looked* exciting, but were more tame. They didn't go around quite as fast, or they didn't launch so high up.  These ones are great with taking small risks, and increasing the odds over time, rather than jumping in with both feet.

As Mom and Dad, Mr. TheZoo and I get to encourage or cautious kiddos to take risks, to go ahead and assess the odds, but don't hang back because of fear.  And, we get to teach the risk takers to stop a moment, and take in their surroundings, and consider consequences before proceeding.
Many days, I feel like a living, walking contradiction. I often have to stop and reassess my approach with the differing personalities of my children.
Mostly, I want them to learn from one another. Not that one is more right or more wrong. Ultimately, I want them to trust one another. When a child needs to tone down his wild side, and a cautions sibling is counseling about the consequences of some heedless action, it is my desire for the thrill seeker to trust his sibling, and make a wise choice based on advice given.
When a child needs to take a little risk, I would hope that some coaxing from an adventurous sibling would win them over. We don't get far without taking risks along the way. Not just physical risks, either. There are risks that simply put us out of our comfort zones psychologically.

Regardless of whether my children are risk takers, or bench warmers, I love them all.
It's a gift to have the blessing of raising this Zoo.

Driving in Cars with Toddlers

Kid #1 needs to be at place 'x' at time 'a', Kid #3 needs to be at place 'y' at time 'b'. Kids #2, 4,5,6, & 7 just have to ride a long. For 3 and 1/2 hrs. No kidding.
Then, the next day, we pick up kid #3 at place 'z', and decide if we are going back home, or to spend the afternoon at place 'b' for which I will need to bring diapers, wipes, changes of clothes in case of accidents (which we all know are really purpose-dents and WILL happen), food for one or two meals, cups and liquids, bikes, and helmets. Then, when we get to place 'b', we'll have to unload it. And, when we leave, we'll clean it all up, and put it all back in van.  Then, when we get home, we'll unload it all from the van again and put it away.
I'm exhausted just thinking about it.
And then! And then, the next day, kid #3 needs to be at place 'c', and picked up from place 'd'. I need to decide whether to keep all the kids home with me, and trust that Mr.TheZoo will make it after work and through traffic to pick kid #2 up at the required time, or to bring the other five children with me to a crowded street fair without another adult and WAIT with them ALL for a few hours.
Anyone with toddlers knows that they don't sit for hours. They don't even sleep in a still position.
So, if anyone has ever wondered why I have become a hermit in my old age...it isn't my age, it's my kid's ages.
Older kids can shoulder more of the burden of going places, and I don't have Mr. TheZoo to help at home, because he's working hard to provide for TheZoo.
So, next time you invite me to something (and don't stop inviting...please!), and I have a look of extreme concentration and seem to waiver between yes and no...Please know that I'm not trying to get out of something. It isn't that I don't want to have fun, or to help, or to be involved in community outreach.
It's that I have to assess whether I will be any help after I spend the entire time out in discipline for six kids, feeding six kids, helping three kids go to the bathroom, cleaning up after the six kids, and coaxing the six kids back into the vehicle.
It often feels like a pointless battle to me.
When at home, we can do our chores in the morning, and then I can send kids outside to play for the rest of the day while I tackle a project, fix meals and snacks,  and deal with discipline in the safety and comfort of my own home.
To anyone that has scratched their head and wondered at my reluctance, really, it isn't you...it's me!

Watching Evie

It's crazy, watching this little two year old live life.
She's quick, as a two year old generally is, physically and mentally.
She follows older brothers and sisters everywhere. She repeats what they say and do, and asks lots of questions.
Evie has her favorites of the group. She picks the siblings that are most attentive to her, and that genuinely want to help her or play with her, rather than using her as a toy.
She has chosen her eldest sister (16 yrs), and her eldest brother (11 rs), and her youngest brother (3 yrs).

Watching Evie can cause deep reflection regarding relationships with people, and how we view and react to the world around us.
For instance. She was enamored with a rather friendly cat that belongs next door. The cat is a beautiful marmalade that the children have dubbed 'Macaroni'.
Evie moved toward the cat, her hands and arms poised to pet Macaroni. But. The cat came toward her. She stopped, with a shocked look on her face, and backed up a few paces. Then, she sat on the ground near Macaroni, leaning forward to pet, and the the cat jumped up and got in Evie's lap, then proceeded to lean in to her walking all the way around her. Evie didn't know what to do with herself. She cringed, and a look of terror was on her face.  She didn't cry, or scream, but she simply did not know what to do with this creature that she had been longing for, and running toward. Macaroni didn't make her give chase. This cat wanted to be loved, and came toward Evie, expressing affection and hoping for some in return.

You just had your own parallel running through your mind, didn't you?
Mine was with God. I look for Him, I want his grace, his love, his blessings. But when He doesn't make me chase him in futility, when God makes himself present and clear, I become terrified. He might want something from me that I don't want to give.
I don't know what to do with the love he freely shares. How can The Creator of the Universe care about *me*? And the only requirement from Him is my love.

Guess what happened next? One of Evie's brothers saw the whole scene with the cat. He came over and squatted next to Evie, and began petting the cat. "See?" He said, "Be gentle with the kitty. The kitty likes to be petted. Go ahead, pet gentle." She saw that the cat was turning to jelly under her brother's gentle hand, and she reach out to pet, also.
In fact, when she got up to walk again, she called "C'mon, Macaroni! C'mere! Come w'me!"
The cat got up and followed her around. 

I am more than blessed to have church leaders that model a relationship with God. That show me that God may ask something from us that's scary, but that all it really is, is our love.

Refreshed

I really wish I had something insightful to say to day, but I don't.
I just spent the last hour and a half waiting for a scan to finish on the computer.
That time was spent hugging and kissing kids as they woke up one at a time, and getting them something to eat.
Truly, I'm glad the computer scan took so long.
I made a grocery list, decided what would be eaten at my house throughout the day, cleared off some counter space (again). I was able to visit with the 11 yo, and spend lots of time snuggling a certain 4 yo that is rather affectionate.
Now I feel compelled to be certain that blog posts are written either after children go to bed at night, or long before they get up in the morning.
Mornings like this one are the ones that I'll be missing when TheZoo is all grown up.
I won't miss diapers, or six kids vomiting all over their pillows, or washing three sinks full of dishes every. single. day.
But I will miss those quiet sweet moments when the children are still and receptive.
I hope they are as refreshed as I am this morning.