"...Christmas future is far away, and Christmas past is past..."
Looking at the Christmas decorations still up and the tree still lit. The recycle bin overflowing with cardboard packaging and powdered sugar still being found in remote kitchen corners. Christmas was different for our family this year. I did all the baking and treat making I usually do, but wasn't able to ship it out. Most of our family were unable to travel due to the snow, so we celebrated with our immediate family.
This was odd for me. I made a turkey dinner, we played carols on the radio all day. We watched some children's Christmas specials and read books, the children played with their toys. I cleaned up wrapping paper and packaging and all of those twistie ties!!! My 7 yo son, hoping to show us in one action, how responsible he is, found a great place to put his treashured legos and bionicles away. He's been putting them away every day now! Yeah! It isn't, however, enough responsiblity to prove that he should have the privilege of staying up late like his 12 yo sister. Oh, man!
He was told, however, to keep up the good choices and privileges will be awarded as appropriate.
His happiness abounds even today.
The 'holiday season' is still upon us. Children are still on vacation from school, DH has extra time off work. Treats still fill the kitchen counter. Another party is scheduled for the near future. There is still something fun and inviting to look forward to. We are in the lazy, after Christmas, before New Year stage. Sipping the homemade hot cocoa and playing another midnight game of Monopoly.

Let it Snow

Complain, grumble, whine, stomp, mope. That's me, about the snow. It is piled up all over the place! Walks and drives have been shoveled and re-shoveled. It's blowing off the roof tops, and they are still covered!
I am tired of being stuck in the house. I am sick of cooking and cleaning it up. I am tired nearly to death of the laundry resulting from forays to play in the snow.
Someone pointed out the beauty of the snow. How it covers everything and makes it look so clean and fresh.
Okay. I can buy that. It looks clean and fresh - but what is underneath? A bunch of icky muck. Of course, with this much snow, by the time we see the end of it, it'll be spring and new growth will be evident.
This is what I have been seeing at home this week. I may have been 'stuck' at home with my children all week, but much good has come from it. For one, there has been much consistancy in dealing with discipline issues. Discipline has been lax at our home for a few weeks. Ever since the newest was born and the holiday season began, our routines have been disrupted. The children's behavior had become out of hand. It was so easy to see that these children had been undisciplined. This week, I have been able to be consistant with the praise as well. I made it very clear to one of the older children that it isn't just the bad choices that I notice. I also notice, look for, and really hope to see when good choices are made.
God's word tells us that those who refuse discipline are fools. That calamity befalls their lives. It tells us that those who choose to live by God's word (obey your parents...)will be blessed. It works. A couple of rough days have given way to better communication and good choices. On the parents part as well as the kids!
They sure got on me when I threw a tantrum. Foot stomping and all! They let me know what I did wrong and how I should have acted instead - and why!
Yes! They hear us! and they understand!

Family

Our family is greatful to you. Everyone that prayed, brought meals, provided gifts of baby clothes, diapers, wipes, etc., and those that kept our children, believing it would be for two nights, and keeping them nearly a week instead.
Without the support of a family like ours, and the grace of God, it is easy to see how people can fall into the depths of dispair and give themselves over to hoplessness.
We, as always, have much to be thankful for this Thanksgiving Holiday. Specifically we are thankful for the local body of Christ, comeing together and serving our needs physically and spiritually. We are thankful for our newest son's health, and for the wisdom provided to doctors and nurses working with our baby. We are thankful for the kind, gentle nature of the Nurses in the NICU. We are thankful that the price of gas has gone down, as Daddy made many trips back and forth. We are thankful for a generous and selfless grandmother that flew, last minute, half way accross the continent to help us out at home. We are thankful for another selfless grandmother and aunt that hosted Thanksgiving for the family so that our 'zoo' wouldn't have far to travel for festivities.
God is good in so many ways. That He touches people's hearts to serve one another without selfish ambition is a blessing. It has taken my husband and myself a while to accept this kind of gift graciously. We have begrudgingly accepted help in the past. We moved on to sheepishly asking for help when it seemed there was no way we could do it ourselves. We have since received the blessing of helping others with the attitude of love and kindness, because we wanted to serve Jesus Christ and see God receive glory. It is easier now to set aside pride, and allow God's glory to shine however He sees fit. Not easy - easier. Pride still creeps in, whispering that even the bible says to 'stand on your own two feet.' Oh, the king of Pride and father of Lies does know how to twist God's own words!

Home at Last

Benjamin Timothy entered the world with dramatic flair November 17th, 3:29 pm, weighing 7 lbs 8 oz and measuring 19 in. long.
He managed to get the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck a couple of times. Some how, that umbilical cord was a freakishly long specimen. I have never heard of any statistics in regards to the length of an umbilical cord. I didn't know it was important or interesting for any reason. Apparently, it is.
With each contraction during hard labor, the umbilical cord was pinched off and Benjamin wasn't getting any oxygen. His heart rate would fall significantly during the contraction while the looped umbilical cord was strangling him. You know how we always hear, "Don't push yet! Wait!", this time the doctor said, "I know you aren't fully dilated yet, but we have to get this baby out, so start pushing." I did, everyone helped. Every nurse on the floor that wasn't busy was in the room, and Benjamin finally made is entrance. Once he was out, umbilical cord removed, he let out a lusty cry and seemed to be fine. Apgar scores were great, his color was great. Everything was great. Then, before he was 24 hours old, he was yellow. No wet diapers at all.
The local hospital doesn't have the resources to examine all the possibilities, so they call a transport team. Just before the transport team is leaving for a NICU in another city, Benjamin eliminates his entire bladder. All over the place.
His respiration was an issue while he was being given a feeding tube, and he vomited everything that went down the tube. Now we have respiratory issues along with digestive issues.
The respiratory issues also resolved themselves. He went to the NICU anyway. We spent 5 days there. The current diagnosis is 'We don't know'. We'll check up in six months to make sure the entire digestive system is in working order. Aside from that, we are working on fattening the little man up. He seems agreeable to this plan.

Fat Chick

Yep. I'm a fat chick. Rather a large girl. That's me.
People have been kind, "Oh, you're not fat!" "I've seen fat, that's not you!". Thank you dear friends. I feel so good about myself for a few minutes when you say those things. Then I climb a flight of stairs, or catch a glimpse of myself in a window reflection, or actually notice how large my underpants are when folding the laundry.
I confessed to someone recently why I am fat. I hadn't planned on sharing that with anyone. Ever. It seemed really stupid. It still does.
The fact is, I am fat now, and I don't want to be anymore. I want to be healthy. I want to be confident that no matter where I find myself, I will always fit entirely on the chair, that the arms won't get stuck on my hips and cause embarrassment when I try to get up. I want to be able to use the public restroom without the stall door brushing my belly fat! I don't want to have to turn sideways when going through a turnstile at the State Fair.
I want to practice soccer drills with my kids and ride a bicycle more than half a block!
There was a time when walking, running, lifting weights at the 'Y', and swimming - in a swimsuit - were fun. Now those things all sound like horrifying punishments, meant to humiliate.
Okay. Here it is. Do I really want anyone on earth to be able to read this? If I never lose all of the weight, will this haunt me forever? Sigh. Okay God. I AM listening, I just don't like it. I don't really want to do it. I'm doing it. I'M DOING IT!
It's because men are stupid. Gee whiz. HE notices everything. Men are not entirely stupid, but some of them, at some point have done something stupid.
In my brief history, more than one adult, married, and seemingly 'Godly' man has proven himself to be more than stupid. As a teen and young adult, these men have pressed upon me their lustful desires. Now, they did not actually touch me or force me to do anything. They made their thoughts plain, and allowed me to say 'no way!', but without any consequence on their part. Who was I going to tell? Who would believe me? Who would care as long as nothing 'actually happened'?
Here I am, wondering what it is I am doing to invite this behavior. Am I walking a particular way? Is it my clothing? (my parents have always encouraged modest dress, and, honestly, I don't feel comfortable in immodest clothing anyway!) Do I look at people in a way that is inviting? Is there some smoldering, come-hither look that I am completely unaware of shooting from my eyes? What could it possibly be?
Do I have an aura of helplessness? Of neediness? Do I laugh to readily at a joke? Is it wrong to shoot out a joke of my own? Do I listen too well? Not well enough? Am I putting myself in these situations?
I though so, for a long time I thought so.
Then, I go married. I thought "I don't need to encourage men to notice my physically any more, so I'll put on weight. That'll stop their problems. Men aren't attracted to heavy women!" So it began. Then it continued. What began as a defense became a habit. A way of life. An issue all on it's own. Guess what I found out after a divorce. There ARE men out there who like fat women. Or they don't care what shape the woman is. Certain kinds of men are out there. Some how, I am a complete loser magnet.
I found one that isn't a loser. He's great. He's supportive of me and loves me. I'll tell more about him later.
I know now that the shape of my body isn't going to stop a stupid man from being stupid.
I am headed back to the 'Y'!

Oh, still pregnant?

Truly. Really. People say that. "Haven't had that baby yet?" Can they be serious? Hasn't anyone figured out how inane a question that is? How boorish a person sounds asking that? ACK!!!
I am four weeks from my due date. I get to induce a week early. WooHoo! Yeah!
I look huge. Someone asked me how many are in there.
I usually smile, and when asked what I am having reply elephant, hippo or whale. It's really so much better than what is running through my mind. Things that I should be asking forgiveness for later.
I'd like to look blank and say "Why do you ask?" I just can't do it, though. Most of these people are nice and mean well. They don't say thoughtless things all of the time. It's just a thing to say to an obviously uncomfortable, waddeling, shuffeling, swollen, bleary eyed, huffing and puffing pregnant person.
Next time you see a woman in said form, instead of asking a lame rhetorical question, ask if you can get her something to eat and a cushy place to sit. Offer to tie her shoe and run some errand for her. Go get the laundry out of the clothes drier, put the dishes away from the bottom rack of the dishwasher, clean the bathtub, get the dustpan out and clear up that pile that is growing in the corner because she can't get back up after bending down to do something!
Show up at her house at 7 am and offer to get breakfast for the kids so she can lay in bed another hour since she's been up every 20 minutes to Pee!
When my children are grown and I have the opportunity to change my ministry tactics and technics, I am going to help women that are pregnant and have small children. No one does it any more.
Even grandparents back out. They are too tired and frail. They don't have time. That isn't a grandparents role. I am retired. I've done my time.
I spew you out, you tepid and defiled experienced ones!
You already know how to do this stuff!
c'mon, now! Don't sit back and watch us fall on our faces!
Help us to get it right. Help us to be enouraged that this time will pass and we may end up missing it.
Help us to want to make these years memorable for good things!
Come alongside and teach us, encourage us, love us.
Sigh.
crumb. Those are MY shoes on the kitchen floor. Just a minute, I'll *grunt* get them *grunt* oops. *ungh* I seem to be stuck. Hey. The kitchen floor is kind of comfy...

A Really Rude Dude

I'm calling my oldest son in for dinner when my neighbor waves me over. She's telling me how much she dislikes a particular boy in the neighborhood. She has heard him using foul language and terrible, awful, no good, very bad remarks toward her children and others. Neighbor has decided that her children will not associate with Rude Dude, and she was counceling oldest son to steer clear as well.
I am listening with interest, as I, too, have heard the Rude Dude's mouth in action. I don't like it either. Rude Dude and Oldest Son used to play together some, mostly riding bikes together, until recently. I am getting ready to offer a little council to Neighbor in how she judges Rude Dude. After all, he is a child and we have no idea what his home life is like.
Then she tells me 'I told your son to stay away from him because he is mean and has a yucky mouth. Your son told me - well, he doesn't know God, you know."
My momentary shock...
I am ecstatic! Oldest Son DOES listen and retain! Even the good stuff!
After all, how can we judge someone by God's measuring stick, when the someone doesn't have any clue what that measuring stick is, or how to be measured by it? We can't! We aren't even supposed to try!
Way to go Oldest Son!