Wednesday, June 13, 2012

The Monster Inside


We all have at least one. Okay, so maybe not fully grown. Little  baby monsters. Some people have several great big monsters inside.
My monster? I have a few. The one that pops up the most and seems to grow more quickly than the others is anger.
Anger pops up in my head without any trouble at all. I don't need to think about it, or wish it, it just appears. Then it shoots out roots and grows bigger in  nanosecond.
If I don't recognize it right away, it branches out.
I've learned some interesting things about this anger monster. It can morph into something else.
If I try to suppress it, but not get rid of it, it begins to fester. I know that's a horrible word, replete with disgusting images and descriptions. But, that what happens to the anger.
When I try to bury it, it doesn't die, it just festers for a while until it becomes bitterness.
Anger is easier to recognize than bitterness. You know how "anger raises it's ugly head". Well bitterness creeps around under the surface. It reaches out icy fingers and laces them around my mind and heart. It begins to leave a residue on everything I say.
When bitterness has grown in me, I become comfortable with it. It covers me, and protects me from other people's anger monsters.
When I allow bitterness to become mature, other monsters make their way inside. Jealousy, Depression (not the medical kind, the selfish kind..I'll post about that another day), Stinginess.
When anger pops up, and I see it right away, I stop and pluck it out.
I don't want it there. I know what happens when it stays and grows. I know what happens when I don't stop, but just repress it.
I need to take time and pull that monster anger weed, getting the root out.
I need to replace it with truth.  I need to allow the truth to grow and foster other plants that wither when anger is present. Love, patience, kindness.
The anger monster doesn't just pop up once in a while. Sometimes it pops up every few minutes. Sometimes it's more than one. There are several.
Often it isn't easy to get rid of all of the monsters. I need help. I can't keep up by myself. It is impossible to get to all of them before they become something bigger or worse.
Thank you, Jesus. Because whoever is in Christ is a new creation. The old is gone, and the new has come.
I have to put myself in Christ's care each day. And sometimes again and again throughout the day. His promises don't change, I do.
I choose each moment whether to follow Christ or to follow myself. When I notice, or more graciously, when the Holy Spirit reminds me, that I have chose myself yet again, I am given another chance to made made new.
I don't have to have the monster inside. I can have Christ instead.


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